she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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