I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
