It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
