I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Enjoy the penises
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
