She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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