He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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