I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize