I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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