Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize