the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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