we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
