i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Randomize
