Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
