Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
