$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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