Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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