I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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