Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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