Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
