There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
