If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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