you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
