Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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