dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
