He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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