The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
