3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
