I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
