I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
