just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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