Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize