I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
