if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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