Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
