sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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