Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
