I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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