She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
