Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize