you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
