I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My bed smells like the plague
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
