So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
