He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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