I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
