just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
