Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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