wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
