how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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