This is not my ceiling
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
