How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
