i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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