The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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