is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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