I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
