The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
