Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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