You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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