My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You pole danced in your parka.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
