Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
