3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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