I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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