Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
