Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
