I didn't shave. On purpose
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
