Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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