She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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