NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
