my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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