my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
