You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
