hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
