Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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