So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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