Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
