i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
