kristin has been a bad kristin
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
