If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
