My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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