Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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