I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
