So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
