; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
