i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
