When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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