Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
