i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
whose ass print is on the piano?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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