worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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