There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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