lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
