mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
