we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize