Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
