Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
