you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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