I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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