There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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