"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
