You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's the barista slut.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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