Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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