We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
